SoSensational has been seeking advice from leading authors about how to be more confident and happier.
We decided to share.
The experts are Andy Cope, Happiness expert and author of The Little Book of Emotional Intelligence, Kate Tojeiro, author of The Art of Possible: new habits, neuroscience and the power of deliberate action and Anna Pinkerton, author of Smile Again: Your Recovery from Burnout, Breakdown and Overwhelming Stress.
- It’s no wonder we’re all so exhausted; everyone’s musterbating like mad. Let me clarify, ‘musterbating’ is when you turn things you’d like to have into things you think you must have. I’ll tell you now, you have plenty. Science tells us that there’s nothing wrong with having money and possessions (at no point on the money/happiness graph does money make you less happy) but the relentless pursuit of ‘more’ leads to unhappiness. So stop musterbating and be grateful for what you already have.
- Lose the word ‘try’. Instead of setting a resolution of “I’m going to try and lose some weight” or “I’m going to try and get a bit fitter”, go with “I’m going to lose some weight” or “I’m going to get fitter”. Yoda was spot on when he said “Do or do not, there is no ‘try’.”
- Select three good things. At the end of the day, spend 5 minutes writing down three things that have gone well, and why. This will help you appreciate the good things in your life.
- When your self-belief is fragile, consider who you want to be around: if your mobile rings and the name that comes up makes your heart sing, answer. If your heart sinks, call them back when you feel stronger. Plan your day to be with or near those people that make you feel good, if you can’t physically be with them, call them, message them or just find a photo (even on social media). The power of a smile in a photograph is the same as the power of a smile in person.
- Fear has the power to make our dreams become a reality or to completely stop us in our tracks. We must acknowledge our fears, and carry them with us. I tend to liken ‘fear’ to having a cold; it won’t stop you doing what you need to do, it will just make it a bit harder. So, as Susan Jeffries said “feel the fear and do it anyway.” Acknowledge your fear; take it with you but counter-balance it with your drive, ambitions and desire.
- Body language is vital: Amy Cuddy says “Fake it until you become it.” Our mind and bodies are connected so adopt a pose of power, stand upright, look people in the eye, put your shoulders back and breathe. I promise you it will make a difference.
- The longest conversation you’ll have with anyone in your life is the one you have with yourself. Make your inner conversation a kindly and supportive one. Be your own endorser, pat yourself on the back for what you manage, and achieve.
- Allow yourself your full range of feelings. Feelings cannot be wrong though many of us believe some feelings are negative, some are positive, but they’re all the same. We are born with them all, so we must allow them all. It causes us great distress when we hear injunctions against ordinary feelings. Allowing yourself to be ‘real’ and to talk about how you feel means you’re honouring your experience and not just trying to fit in.
What tools and tricks do you use to help boost your confidence? Please do share with us below!
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